he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
