My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
soo... how was my night?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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