my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
