Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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