why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
