At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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