What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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