the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
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I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
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The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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