he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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