Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
