then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I didn't notice because vodka
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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