she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
