some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
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