Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
