Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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