Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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