it wasn't lemon gatorade
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
