I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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