Hey man sorry I got all grabby
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
