just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
