Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
