I cannot find my penis.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
