Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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