Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
