as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
