wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
