"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
