u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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