god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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