hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
