now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
