before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
