I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
i think my cat just said my name.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
