After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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