She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Randomize
