just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
