I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
