Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize