How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
