she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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