you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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