actually, I'm a sock model
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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