I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
