you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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