It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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