why do cheetos always look like penises
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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