I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
