"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
