My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
