I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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