A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
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I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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