There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
How's work?
Spinning.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
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