Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
