Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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