I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
