break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
