I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
