There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
