..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
