it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
