i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
