Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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