your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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