Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
