My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
