Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
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