so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
