I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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