she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
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you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
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I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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