yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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