My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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