Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
