Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
