How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
