the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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