If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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