then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
