Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You've changed since you got that strap on
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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