I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
