so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
They are going to name an STD after you.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
