Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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