being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
