i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
