I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The Olympian is in my bed
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
