I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
