I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize