??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
