if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
